Confused at why I have not been able to move forward on an important program I’m working on to serve my Purpose in this life and the world at large, I realized I had become prey to my Fears…
These past few days have been stirring up a lot of repressed emotions in me. See, I know there’s nothing wrong with this because it’s all part of the healing process and getting to know your Self. In fact, as time goes on, the more I’ve acknowledged, confronted, accepted, honored and allowed myself to process these feelings, the easier it has been to witness them occurring while recognizing their origin. I allow them to come in so I may question them as to their source.
In order to heal in the present, we have to trace back to our roots ~ the roots of our deepest darkest pains, which highly influence our all too seemingly-realistic and present fears.
Fear tends to haunt the majority us even though we might disguise it with many other words or labels. Merriam-Webster defines fear with this general description:
1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : an instance of this emotion (2) : a state marked by this emotion
3 : profound reverence and awe especially toward God
The link for the kids definition has a better explanation but still doesn’t explain where fear comes from.
1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger b : an instance of fear or a state marked by fear
2 : concern about what may happen : WORRY
3 : 1AWE
synonyms FEAR, DREAD, ALARM, FRIGHT mean painful emotion experienced in the presence or expectation of danger. FEAR is the most general word and suggests great worry and usually loss of courage <fear of the unknown>. DREAD suggests strong unwillingness to face something <the dread felt by people awaiting bad news>. ALARM may suggest strong emotional upset caused by an unexpected or immediate danger <viewed the worsening food shortage with alarm>. FRIGHT suggests the shock of something startling and often suggests a short-lived emotion <the creaking door caused them fright>.
Ultimately, I find fear stems from a lack of self-esteem and trust in one’s own Self! It goes back to both positive and not-so positive, or traumatic, experiences I had growing up as a child. These experiences led me to develop certain behavioral patterns and underlying beliefs. Although I know this and I strive so hard to uplift myself, I also easily forget I am vulnerable and fall back into old behavioral patterns.
Here’s an example. Procrastination is the same thing as fear because there is some known or unknown confrontation on the mind that is being avoided. This is one of my classic cover-ups for fear. Even as I type this blog, I find ways to get up and distract myself from the task at hand. I know I need to open myself up to being vulnerable to the unknown and allowing myself to be exposed, yet, I think “I need more water in my glass…need to go to the bathroom…oh, wait, I have to …” and not to mention my getting distracted with emails or other sites I’m exploring! It’s amazing what you can distract yourself with to keep from completing a task at hand; and, even a simple one at that! I know because I’ve written on this before! *** See Posts
Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle. Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone. Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his. Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons. Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light. Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties. Every Warrior of the Light has said ‘yes’ when he wanted to say ‘no.’ Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved. That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.”
~ Paulo Coelho
Here’s how I face the fear when it sneaks in and I catch it ~ I embrace it! I know everything in this life happens for a reason; in the manner it is meant and exactly when it should. It takes courage to step up, opening up and allowing the fears to just complement the knowledge, which without you may never have even considered trying to begin with. Because, sometimes we need a challenge to re~ignite our internal flame!
So how do you handle your fear? What keeps you trapped in the dungeon of your fear-based thoughts?
Can you put a finger on it or trace it back to its origin? Do you know exactly what you are fearful of and why?
Well, I started writing this particular blog about facing fear because of what I had been dealing with this past week. I looked around and realized I was getting complacent and lazy putting off the writing I need to be doing. Let’s put it this way, it’s tough when you have to go inside and ask why when the response is simply “I’m afraid to fail and not be accepted, people will judge me, not speak to me, disown me, or dislike me for what I may have to say about them through my own personal experience.”
I have to be real about this because I know not everyone will like me all of the time nor is it any of my business. I’ve already lived a life where people disliked me for reasons I’m unaware of ~ this was their loss. I’ve played the peacemaker and people pleaser most of my life and it certainly didn’t win me any special points. In fact, sometimes it proved to draw in people who were not good for me or explicitly sought to teach me a lesson and, in the end, they did! Some also showed me how I didn’t value myself enough. See, everyone serves a purpose with the opportunity to see our truth and to tune into our soul.
If someone gets upset and no longer likes me or speaks to me, they’re the ones who have to live with whatever their reason is for the rest their life. I know my truth will never be the same for another and it doesn’t serve me to rationalize or try to find a solution for them. It can be a major upset, but sometimes others need to be confronted in order to led into their own soul searching. That’s why it’s so important to have an open heart and mind throughout our lives!
“If a man has reported to you, that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make any defense (answer) to what has been told you: but reply, The man did not know the rest of my faults, for he would not have mentioned these only.”
~ Epictetus from The Enchiridion
I know I’m not the only person out there continuously working to keep on keeping on in this life of unknowns. I wanted to write about this to point out how fear is just an illusion we have all been conditioned to adopt as a part of our daily life.
I started looking for and decided to find ways to motivate myself. As my life flows, I kept seeing signs validating I was on track in all areas of my life and in articles I came across. One of my Kundalini Yoga meditations was for releasing emotions, just prior to the major feelings which resurfaced. I had also surprisingly started on my very first fast of water, kombucha, and melon smoothies; of which, I’m currently on day 6. Whenever you cleanse your body, you literally cleanse out the mind, as well. Toxins of all forms will start to surface so you can heal from them to be flushed away. The fact that I knew exactly what was transpiring was the key to going with it all and not reacting.
Day 1 was easy because I hadn’t planned on fasting. I just happened to be busy enough to keep myself preoccupied from eating. Let me tell you it was the next couple days which were a bit more interesting! On the morning of day 2 I felt a potential migraine surfacing but I squelched it with a magnesium drink called Calm. On the evening of day 3 I felt a need to do some deep inner work by pulling together very old memories. This all manifested on the morning of day 4 when severe stomach pains arouse to the point I nearly didn’t make it through my Gentle Amrit Yoga class. I had actually often suffered from horrible stomachaches growing up and I know precisely where they originated. What I find, is by knowing the origin of this anxiety, it allows you to release it much easier. I recognized this old pain and it went away.
Later in the day, I listened to Lisa Nichols remind me how
“You can’t outrun your fears!
Everywhere you go, there you are with your fears.
When your fear is driving you, don’t try to outrun it. Keep questioning your fear until it dissipates into the TRUE NOTHINGNESS it is!”
What sound advice!
We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation. There is no learning without some difficulty and fumbling. If you want to keep on learning, you must keep on risking failure – all your life.”
~ John W. Gardner
I also happened to recognize how the current planetary influences and powerful solar flares highly influence us. This particular period is all about going back home, to our roots, where emotions will be stirred in order to heal and make peace so we can forge a new life, more fulfilling and on Purpose!
In order for the magic in our lives to occur, we have to be willing to open up old wounds and be vulnerable to the feelings we may have repressed, suppressed, or deeply hidden away. The reason most of us aren’t living authentically to begin with is because we’ve avoided confronting and healing our past by stashing it away, and thinking “if I don’t see it, it can’t hurt me,” aka, the cognizant theory. Put a spotlight on it and give it the serious interrogation it deserves to stamp out whatever power you’ve allowed it to have over you.
You deserve the best in this Life; WE ALL DO!
A life consistent with your values makes you secure, confident and strong.
~ Meditations For Women
I have come to the conclusion my past is not who I am so I no longer let it dictate my path! I’m here on this Earthy to live an abundantly fulfilled and loving life while not get caught up in the sadness permeating our current society. I value myself more than this and you should, as well!
They say you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer so, instead why not make Fear your closest ally ~ Let it motivate and drive you to thrive and prove it wrong! Consider your enemy needs the most compassion because those who are so outwardly critical of everything around them are only reflecting their internal critic; just as fear needs the same TLC.
I wish you a blessed journey of rediscovering your soul through your emotions while embracing all the feelings that arise.
Here’s to overcoming any resistance to your emotions and inviting fear in for the ride!
Much love & Light from my Heart to yours!
♥ Lana ♥