Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
How did you always imagine your life would be growing up? What did you want to be or do? Did you feel this in your heart and you actually come up with these ideas or were influenced by the ideas of others?
I know for myself, I had a sense as a child. For a period of time, I knew what made my heart sing because I loved creating and expressing myself through dancing, reading, writing, drawing, crafts, making, building, inventing, exploring, being out in nature, learning, and the like. It was only through the influence of what my parents said or did, friends, culture, and media that my ideals shifted. In fact, I didn’t even recognize it back then. It took me many years to observe my life to see it.
So, now, here I sit typing…wait, let me share that, in my former life, I spent over 10 years in the USAF. I had successfully made a name for myself and went into US Government contracting as a Systems Engineer supporting the same systems I had worked on while in the military. *Side note: most people are stunned to hear this about me!
One day in February 2008, everything came crashing down at the outburst and beratement of a US Navy sailor towards me. It was a day where everywhere I turned, people were condescending, verbally abusive, and attacking me while labeling me a troublemaker. He had built up so much frustrated aggression towards me he exploded at me – because I had requested he refrain from using inappropriate language several times and even worse, he had dropped the expletive but was still repeating this same mantra in the exact tone and expression of “What the ….!?” as if he was actually using it. To get a better understanding of the environment, we worked at cubicles in a large open space in a call center where anything spoken could be overheard by clients and customers on the other end of the phone lines. Everything could be heard!
Basically, I had tapped on the cubicle plexiglass asking this sailor to lower his voice because I could not hear my client on the other end of the phone with his loud speaking voice. It was a simple request. He actually waited a good half hour before he stood up stating under his breath “I’ve had enough of this s#@*…,” and then, while standing up, looking over the cubicle and pointing his finger down at me to tell me how I “better watch myself…” claiming I had pounded on the plexiglass where all his pictures were but they never moved. Unfortunately, all the other contractors in the office space just turned around and crawled into their cubicles so as not to get involved, out of fear from backlash. Eventually, the new US Navy Chief stepped in and commanded this sailor to “Stop <insert name>! Come with me!”
At that moment, I actually thought, no, I believed, someone was finally going to counsel him on his behavior in an attempt to better his career specifically with regards to how he had lost his military bearing and was being disrespectful. Instead it was quite the surreal day as my contracting colleagues who knew better, and clearly knew, didn’t want to get involved and so, turned a blind eye to say they didn’t “witness” anything. Instead, they all feared for their own job security as the tension had built up from upper mis-management levels despite our collective attempt to plead our case. We were basically told to shut up and do our job and not rock the boat by our own company manager. In the end, it turned out I was the sacrificial lamb because word came back through after lunch that management wanted me gone and shouldered the responsibility on me “being the cause of hate and discontent between military and contractors.”
But there was a huge blessing in all of this!
At the time, I was truly floored. The history of this situation was a doozy and with my reputation, it was the last thing I expected let alone anyone else who knew me. What I realized months later was how unhappy I knew I had been in my work environment for a very long time and underneath it all, I was able to see how I’d manifested a way out of it, despite the means.
I believe that if you’re truly unhappy and you don’t do something about your situation, something will be done to take you out of that situation, with or without your permission and choice!
The other thing I was later able to see was a pattern of how my deeply rooted unconscious thoughts were just as strong as my conscious thoughts; but, in this case, much stronger. It was apparent that the more I avoided confrontation of something, the more I was drawing toward me and creating the confrontation. In this particular scenario, I had been very uncomfortable working in the office space with a severe physical disability and then, I was dealing with a total lack of compassion from the military, their blatant disregard for rules and lack of respect for others, and especially toward their management who wasn’t reinforcing those rules. (One can see how disrespect is created by not setting boundaries and limitations along with the fact that if you don’t have respect for yourself neither will anyone else.) We had brought this up to management on numerous occasions but, in the end, we all feared loosing our jobs – for these reasons:
1) Government management did not like our Project Manager nor our Company;
2) Our Company wasn’t protecting us; and
3) The US Navy sailors did not demonstrate any respect for their management, rules, themselves, nor anyone else.
By witnessing this, it was recommended we come in for our prescribed work hours, do our work, and go home. It was a hostile environment, to say the least.
You can see the Blessing in being removed from this, right!?! ;~)
So, despite all of this, I actually found myself moving home. I started looking for ways to heal and try to change my old behavioral patterns. I will tell you, it wasn’t always an easy road and I’m still working on it but it seems like I have been blazing through some serious crap. I knew there were patterns but I saw patterns throughout my entire life that mimicked all the way back to childhood and even reflected my parents. Yup! I found myself in awe, utter shock, and a little mortified!
You know what!?! I also started to realize the things I found myself interested in at earlier years were starting to make a full-circle around. For me, this showed me something else we take for granted:
In our earlier years of developing, we have an innate and still naive sense of what moves us, which is not completely corrupted by conditioning or cultural programming.
I was even more excited finding this out because it felt like I had something to look forward to I’d always been interested in and it was something I had always been passionate about. It’s really like starting a new life ~ A Clean Slate & New Beginning!
Do you remember what you were drawn to in your earlier years or what moved you? Are you stuck in a place you would never have dreamed you would have chosen? Are you ready to start fresh and do you want to? Can you let go of the old and make room for the new? What if you had a clean slate? How would you proceed with your life?
From my own personal experience, I believe a good way to start is to extend Forgiveness! I would like to share with you something that was read in my recent Yoga Meditation class.
Whatever someone has done to you, forgive them. Now. No Matter what. This has nothing to do with condoning their behavior or letting them be right. It simply means that whatever pain someone has caused you, you refuse to be hurt any further.
Forgiveness is for you, not for anyone else. It is a way of saying, “I release any energetic ties that bind you and me, and while I don’t condone your behavior, I no longer wish to be bound by it. I am whole, free and full of spirit, and I leave your actions behind.” Forgiveness raises your vibration and your energy. The person doesn’t have to know that you’ve forgiven them, although that can be healing, too. You are the only one who has to know that you forgive and let go.
I’ve been through intense pain in my life, and I believe that the power of forgiveness got me through. Don’t make room in your heart for bitterness. Fill it with love so you can’t waste any space. It’s a constant choice that you have to make, and sometimes it can take several rounds of forgiving before you really feel done.
My version of her meditation exercise: Visualize the person or thing that was done to you connected to your heart with a silver cord. Imagine them surrounded in love, forgive them from your heart, thank them for serving you in your life, and allow the cord to be fully released from your heart while sending them love and watching it retract back to that other person. Then feel lighter.
Forgiveness gives you the freedom you seek. And sometimes– and this is the key –the most important person to forgive is yourself!
My personal belief is:
♥ We all have Angel wings to ‘Rise Above!’ Only some have forgotten or haven’t learned yet how to use them. ♥
Let’s learn to rise above what our minds or other people tell us and tap into our hearts!
We are all Love! We just need to start Loving ourselves first so we may truly understand what it is and feels likes; then, we can share it with others!
God created you, therefore you should be hopeful. Things will come at the right time, the right place, and the right reason.
~ Yogi Bhajan
Isn’t that the truth! Try recognizing the Blessing in every scenario you experience. Just because it isn’t going the way you want it doesn’t mean it isn’t working out. Listen to your heart and it will guide you!
After writing this, I read another *sign* of this theme:
If we can let go of judgments, both of ourselves and others, let go of fear and open our hearts, we will realize that everything is a reflection of ourselves, that every experience is happening for our highest good and that we’re only ever being walked home.
~ Shayne Traviss