A Stream of Consciousness:
Call back all that you ever felt was “lost” of You & allow YourSelf to be Whole & Healed!
Feel your Vibration ~ Essence of Joy
I had begun to reflect upon how many of us have lived our lives habitually without question – day in, day out a routine that feels comfortable. Only later, feeling a deep loss within, a yearning for something more; yet, indescribable, unfamiliar, and unknown. What has been missing? Why do I feel incomplete!?
For me, I know I had many wakeup calls along my path.
Why wasn’t I married? Because I hadn’t found the right person for me but moreso, I didn’t feel like the right person! There certainly couldn’t be anyone who could complete me if I wasn’t sure of who I was. I had to come to a serious breaking point and it was when I started to see significant patterns I was reliving from stories I had been passed down through generations – stories that certainly were not my own! I witnessed how a relationship I had been in became a drama scene from my parents when I was younger and it wasn’t until I returned home in 2008 I was able to connect the dots. I can attest it was the most profound, in my face, epiphany and all I needed to decide to make a major change in my life! It was then I decided to start working on ME!
I wanted to change! I had been living the mantras of my parents and it was all creating disharmony within me. It didn’t matter how successful I had become because everything crashed in the end…I had to
be brought down to the breaking point for me to get the call to go within!
Going within takes a lot of courage and for me, has taken over 8 years, to arrive at a peaceful place with who I am NOW!
I had to confront what I’ve done in my life and the motivation behind it. What drove me to certain behaviors, beliefs, thought patterns, and reactions to certain triggers. What were the roots of these? What created triggers for me? Who was I really?
Ultimately, it’s been the patience, compassion, & awareness of watching how my mind operates. In my case, I tend to overthink, over-analyze, over criticize myself and the choices I make or have made. I’ve compared myself with others without recognizing my own strengths & uniqueness in an attempt to identify who I was ~ comparing if I were in the right place of my own life. I found this was not living in my Truth!
We can talk about all the things which BEing in our Truth can be described by, like living with Integrity, Consistency, Demonstration of Character, Honesty, Love, Devotion, etc…but only YOU know if you are living from within your Truth!
I wrote about Truth here: Sat Nam ~ Truth Is My Identity!
It turns out, we all have a Story we tell ourselves and may even continue to tell over and over to people we encounter in our lives. But the questions we rarely ask ourselves is, “Is this really my story? Is this the story I want people to know about me? What is this story really saying about me? What is the Truth for Me? Am I living this story or seeking to write a better one?”
See, a story actually dictates your life and you get to choose how it unfolds. The real question you want to ask is “How is this story serving me?”
If you find it’s creating repeated patterns where you are at a loss for life & joy, it’s time to really go within. If you sound like a victim, why not rewrite the story to be the victor of it!? You can do this! You can transcend the past and create a much happier path ahead!
I grew up with a rather intense mother. I am grateful for her intensity because it did teach me a lot in communicating clearly; though, it did cause me anxiety over the years as she was so easily triggered by certain words. It got to a point I was unsure what to say but even what I did say were things I normally wouldn’t speak would come out of my mouth to create an altercation with her ~ like she had such a strong aversion she actually manifested me to say them. My father on the other hand, being very non-confrontational, would be the first to say something to provoke you and then the one to tell you he didn’t want to hear or talk about it and insultingly dismiss your need to address when he upset you. You can only imagine our household of fighting – we had the button pusher & boiling pot ready to explode!
But here’s the thing I learned over all these years, they, too had adopted stories that were not their own. I have more compassion now than I ever have after having gone through the waves of emotions. I had to really get mad at the both of them for their behaviors before I could recognize they were doing the best they could. They were just as broken, or at a loss for themSelves, as I was. They were just unable to see it because they were still living those stories.
My Mom though has been trying to find Truth in her way.
So, today I received a text message from my Mom.
“I Believed a Lie… The first one…Was I was not Important, of value-“
I responded with:
“Yes, & when we believe a lie, we live a lie! If we don’t believe we are important, how do we treat ourselves!? Then, we wonder why anyone else treat us so poorly!
I’ve been working on my self worth for years!
It is not selfish to take care of yourself first! It is the most important one you can take care of (your body is a temple & you are made in the Image of God!)!!!
We only have control over OUR own thoughts, beliefs, words, & actions!”
When we believe a lie, we live a lie because it becomes our truth but in essence we are only betraying ourSelf – ultimately, our heart knows the truth!
Why did we give so much power to something that was not our truth?
Why did we betray our own heart – our intuition!?
We place value on others because we want to connect & be loved!
We want to belong or fear rejection from them!
This is where we loose our own self-worth & how we fail to listen to our Heart (in-tuit ~ Spirit)!
So often people want to trust another but the truth is they don’t trust themselves first! You have to develop a strong relationship with yourSelf before you can discern truth elsewhere. If you haven’t cultivated this most sacred relationship within, you will find you will deceive yourSelf more often by going without.
Your Truth can only be found within You!
It’s all a coming back to Self! Self-Awareness, Self-Love, Self-Care, Self-Respect, Self-worth, etc…
How you allow the external world to affect you will all be reflected in how strong a bond you have with yourSelf! 💗
Later Mom responded to me with:
Unsure if it was appropriate, I posited:
“First to yourSelf, of course! 🙏🏻”
See, I’ve learned I cannot fix anyone else. It is not my place nor my desire any longer.
The subtlest form of control is thinking you know better for another person!
I can only control my thoughts, actions, and words. As long as I listen within, have loving intentions, and come from my heart, I have done the best I can. That’s all any of us can do. My story has just begun to unfold and every day I learn what brings my Heart more joy.
Focus on the story you want to live and transcend all that you may have endured in your past. If anything, use it as your motivation to start anew ~ You wield the power to create whatever life you wish!
So, why not make your story a personal Love Story!? Find that deep connection within & learn who you are, how your mind operates, the things that bring you joy, and regain your trust with yourSelf!
Return to the root of the root of your own self.”
~*♥*~ May You be Blessed with new & exciting insights into YOU & Your Truth! BeHold your Heart with Love, in Love, as Love! ~*♥*~
~ ♥ Lana A. LaBonte ♥ ~