Tags
Attachment, Attention, Change, Defend, Disappointment, Emotion, Energy, Expectation, Failure, fear, God, Growth, Heart, Illusion, Instinct, Judge, Love, Meditation, Perfectionism
I had intended to write up a New Year’s entry but upon reflection, well, it didn’t happen. I must admit, this year I didn’t feel the need, nor obligation, to write any resolutions. I’ve done it before and, honestly, I find it more important to live this year with less expectation and more detachment, from a place of Love and with Integrity, allowing my life to flow freely wherever the winds take me as I’m in a serious stage of transition and I don’t know yet where I will arrive! Actually, that’s pretty exciting…
Throughout the past few days the recurring theme has been about “expectations creating disappointment.”
Today in meditation I was faced with my own fears! I have always known one of my downfalls was my perfectionism and, in the past this held me back from trying new things for fear of not getting them exactly right. Even as a child in school, I would write down my notes word-for-word to ensure I knew the exact answer the teacher wanted. I was even so meticulous that if I wrote with pen and made a mistake, I would start over writing them neatly because I didn’t like a mess. I was the child who was always cleaning and organizing her room!
See, here we are, [I am], again ~ at those illusions and expectations we conceive an outcome of which, an action hasn’t even been set in motion nor has it occurred!
Ok, so, as I understand that I have a fear of failure, underlying with that pesky Perfectionism, I know I need to hold myself accountable for expectations that do NOT exist. If I don’t even try, how can I be so sure I’ll fail!? Even if I do fail, I may find myself heading down a new path or I may learn something new! Why is this so difficult?
Well, this goes back to where we/I learned the underlying source. It stems from a number of things – some from school and some from home. Heck, I even remember how I colored (maybe I still do), tracing the lines with my crayon before coloring in the pictures. Mom taught me this, I believe. The idea that if you traced it out first, you had a better chance of “not going outside the lines!”
It did seem to work.
Here is where I resolve to hold myself accountable and what came through in my meditation:
What is my Weakness here? Lack of Trust in Self!
So, I choose Happiness! I choose Love Over ALL!
“Love Encompasses patience ~ it’s passion, it’s compassion, it doesn’t need to be perfect and it occurs always in its perfect time!
Love Embraces ~ it accepts ALL pains, hurts, and sufferings!
Love is in ALL ~ it illuminates, it shines, and it uplifts!
I AM LOVE!
YOU ARE LOVE!
If God is Love, we’re all of God~Love connected eternally by this internal flame!
I am Grateful for Love because it’s what takes me out of my head and into my Heart!”
So what evokes Fear in YOU? Will you resolve to choose love over it?
Love and Light Blessings,
~ Lana
