On this gorgeous sunny day in Bella Napoli, I went for a long 2 hours walk along lungomare, the seaside.
I picked up my speed-walking pace by consciously breathing into and contracting my abdominals, rolling my shoulders back, elongating my spine, lifting my heart toward the sky, squeezing my buttocks and thighs while taking long strides, and with each step, landing on my heels to roll my weight evenly forward to the toe ball mound of each foot to push off ~ like a liftoff.
See, I used to be a runner. I loved running and was a chatty runner, too ~ your perceived exertion rate can be measured in your ability to talk while exercising. Some days I miss it but honestly, I don’t miss the aches and pains nor the damage it’s done on my joints.
What I do find interesting is how I am able to watch people walking or running and pick out their pronation. I can pretty much suspect what pains they’re dealing with from my own experiences.
The sun was shining with a warm breeze off of the sea. Looking out across the slightly choppy Bay, I could clearly see Vesuvius, the Sorrentine Coast, and Capri off in the distance. At 10am the day after Christmas, there were quite a few people out on bikes, roller-blades, running, walking, and socializing. The energy here has changed immensely with the closing of Via Caracciolo and Via Partenope for pedestrian-only traffic. There was a lot of resistance from the shops, taxi-drivers, and people who drove it frequently but today, I noticed there was a joyful feeling in the air. Everyone was happily enjoying this convenience. Mind you, there were those who still didn’t understand they should not walk in the marked bike path where at one point, a young child wandered into it where it appeared she fell as a bike hit her.
Within an hour, or so, the people had significantly increased. When I walk, I habitually smile at everyone because it feels good and I want to share this feeling. Of course, not everyone is open to receiving this and are clearly skeptical of the intentions behind the smile. For all the years I’ve lived here, this was one thing I had difficulty accepting. I also had trouble trying to understand how I could be one person walking down a rather wide sidewalk and the woman coming from the other direction would find herself shoulder-checking me as if I had done it to her. This phenomenon really took time for me to recognize and handle.
This is why I say:
What you look for you will find!
Even our unconscious thoughts manifest into our reality. In the years I’ve been working on healing, I’ve come to recognize how much of the strife I’d dealt with was really what I claimed to not want but I was actually looking to defend myself from. I had truly been manifesting exactly what I didn’t want and this also proved to be an attachment as I had not released it.
So, how does one release these defenses?
Well, it takes patience, practice, and persistence. As I said in my previous post regarding meditation, “Anything you want to master needs to be repeated with focus and effort.”
First, we need to figure out the root of why we feel so attached to these feelings of defending ourselves. It’s also called playing the role of the victim but nobody wants to admit this in the beginning. In fact, most of us don’t even want to take responsibility for what they did or do to ME! I certainly did not. In fact, I can recall a friend once saying to me, “Lana, just be happy!”
But, at that time, I was more preoccupied with what was being done to me instead of realizing she was right. It all boils down to a choice. We choose what we give importance to and sometimes our Ego is so strong it believes in combative modalities. There really is no need to even go that far because the stronger and wiser person knows when to just walk away.
In my case, I had a long hard look at my past and how I’d taken on my parents’ stories. Much of the old sayings would pop into my head like, “Nothing in this life is free.” Those sorts of things shaped how I dealt with life situations.
In addition to this coming up on my walk, I was reminding myself how I wasn’t encountering the shoulder-checks as often as I had in the past. I had identified the fact that those people had their own stuff going on and it never had anything to do with me. I didn’t need to take on their stuff nor feel the need to retaliate. In fact, now, I just joyfully bopped down the seaside with a big happy smile on my face weaving in and out of people, making my way.
Now, don’t get me wrong, once and a while I saw someone coming at me but I adjusted myself accordingly. In fact, I also took the opportunity to see it as the Universe creating a test to see how I’d handle it and if I’d learned the lesson I’d previously been given. You have to giggle when you recognize it ~ the Universe does have a sense of humor!
Another interesting thought came about after I’d returned home to meditate. Why do people get so caught up in caring what someone thinks of them as if they have some idea of what that is? Thoughts are only fleeting and even if someone is thinking anything judgmental of you, this too shall pass. In fact, as I discussed with a a good friend years ago, “it’s none of your business what anyone thinks about you!”
Highly placed self-importance is exhibited when you care what others think of you and in turn, you’re really giving your energy/power to them! Do you think it’s deserving in either case?
Basically, I had found myself reflecting on what I was finding throughout the day. In my walk, I had concluded how what I looked for was exactly what I would manifest. As in my meditation, I realized if what I feared someone thought of me could also manifest as true. But none of this is real unless we attach emotion to it!
The key ~ not to get attached to the outcome of these expectations. Because the root of suffering is in expectation! Emotion lies behind all of this ~ emitting a feeling or attaching to an outcome!
Knowing how you felt in the past and had been disappointed when you found out someone didn’t like you creeps back up when you currently find yourself contemplating what another thinks of you. This same emotion, if not released, follows you through life.
This is just one example of how our old behavior patterns continue through our experiences.
Can you think of how this may bring up old thoughts for you? In what sorts of situations have you repeatedly found yourself? Seems like deja vu or Murphey’s Law but it’s really not.
Remember, we create our reality from our thoughts. There’s a reason it’s a pattern; habits are subconsciously repeated patterns.
In any case, take time to witness how you’re manifesting your own experiences. Ask yourself, “what am I looking for?”
See if you can break some old patterns. It’s quite liberating from those old ties that bind!
What you seek is inside of you! Look within ~ not without!
Love and Light Blessings,